failure weblog

well, i’ll be dropping the third formerly semi-permanent netflix movie into the mailbox. i watched the tale of two sisters again tonight. it’d been long enough that i’d forgotten a lot of the details. it’s a really impressive film, and i stand behind my comments from back in early march. i watched some extra features on the thumbsucker dvd last night before i sealed it up, and i think after watching the author and director discuss things i was probably pretty accurate in my feelings about the film the first time i saw it. i didn’t find it as depressing or whatever this time around though. after watching the discussions, it does makes me curious about the book itself.
i originally thought i was going to catch a new movie tonight, or maybe go and see sixteen candles at midnight at river oaks. but i’m not. i’m calling it a night in hopes that i’ll be well rested and feel good for tomorrow’s festivities. i’m feeling better today than i did yesterday, so that’s a good direction to be headed.

i hate it when i think an illness is getting better and then it starts getting worse. usually that means the onset of a sinus infection. so after sleeping until around noon, i decided to go to the doctor today. usually some antibiotics do a fast number on a sinus infection, and i wanted to feel well this weekend so i could execute and enjoy my weekend plans. what plans, you ask?
well, saturday i’m planning on heading to swiss alp, Texas. (that’s about 10 miles south of la grange.) you see, they reopened the dance hall there that had been closed for a number of years (i’ve heard over 20 years), and saturday night the wild river band is going to be playing. my brother and some of his friends are supposed to be heading down from austin and meeting me there. so hopefully it’ll be a grand time watching a good western swing band carry on the tradition that entertained lots of Texans back in the day, and in one of the places they used to do so.
go about halfway down the page of this link to read about a bit of the history of the dance hall. and here’s the site for the dance hall itself, these days: swiss alp dance hall
so, hopefully my breaking down and going to a doctor and getting medication will not be in vain.
this evening i managed to rewatch thumbsucker and will be sending it on its way back to netflix. two down, one to go.
while waiting for my prescriptions to be filled today, i headed to high times and bought some incense and a nice incense holder. i always feel somewhat out of place going into those types of establishments, because i’ve really got about 0% of that culture in my makeup. but it’s a good place to go for incense and an array of holders.
i was going to say it’s funny how easy it still is to be reminded of the major trauma my life went through with the failure of my marriage and the loss of my best friend, but it’s not all that funny and it’s not really that hard to see why it’d still be easy.
in a conversation somewhat recently someone told me i should be happy being alone, or perhaps it was content…but that seems much easier to say or state as a goal than to actually be able to reach. which doesn’t mean i’m never happy or content, but i miss the companionship and familiarity that existed with what i fully believed would be a lifetime relationship. when a worldview like that is shattered, it’s really hard to not miss what you knew before, what you believed in. even if the partner of that worldview no longer exists in this world, or at least not in the same state (intended figuratively). though i believe i’ve gotten over most of the emotional pain and trauma of the event, starting back at the beginning — at a point that i never relished (and was really never able to function at, to be honest) — is a difficult and daunting task. makes one almost wish one could be happy and/or content being alone. 🙂

i think i had an electrical spike at my house today due to the bad weather that came through. it appears to have scrambled the brain of my 24-port kingston 10Mhz hub, as well as the nic it was attached to in my freebsd firewall/nat box. so i’ve had to move some components around and reconfigure some stuff to get back online.
today i had to go to jury duty. it was for civil court. unfortunately, i didn’t get to do anything. they told us the case was settled and we got to leave. so i still have yet to serve on any kind of jury.
friday night was the monthly geek gathering for the radio show, this one celebrating the 11th anniversary of technology bytes being on the air. it was at dean’s credit clothing downtown. i showed up late, coming from byzantio (sp?), and it didn’t take me long to take up residence on a stool outside in the entrance so i could smoke a cigar and talk with the various people that showed up. hopefully everyone didn’t think i was too much of a recluse or snob. i just sort of have an aversion to crowds, and prefer to “find a darkened corner” where i can be mostly immobile and deal with people in smaller numbers in a quieter, more controlled environment. after the gathering i headed over to frank’s with jack and sam for a slice of pizza, then i headed to river oaks to catch the midnight showing of fight club.
saturday evening, after a few hours at work for some maintenance/upgrades, i had the opportunity to go to the poison girl on westheimer. it’s near agora and brazil. i’d never heard of the place, but evidently it’s sort of a hip dive bar for indie rockers and alt folk. i thought it seemed pretty cool. a bit pretentious, and a bit of the beautiful people (as alt/indie rockers, of course), but overall it seemed cool. i might have to add it to my rotation of possible places i’d hang out. it gets bonus points for the name. (unlike the proletariat, which loses points.)
i’ve spent some amount of time trying to help a friend with some computer stuff. without going into any details, i’ll just say that having backups of important data can really come in handy. not having backups, on the other hand…
i also started getting sick on sunday and have spent the last two days feeling tired and pretty blah. man, being somewhat sick is annoying. it sucks sitting at home being bored, but going to work is mostly pointless because i can’t accomplish much because i feel tired and can’t focus. of course, feeling really sick isn’t so fun either. especially when you’re by yourself and you know no one is checking on you or going to provide emotional comfort. so why isn’t it that i could just not get sick at all? that’d be nice.
i did get my mail-order from ersatz audio today, which is like healing medicine. here’s the haul:

• various – misery loves company (ersatz audio)
• n.o.i.a. – n.o.i.a. (unreleased tracks) (ersatz audio)
• adult. – resuscitation (ersatz audio)
• adult. – d.u.m.e (thrill jockey)

they also threw in a few free stickers and 1 inch buttons.
the only one i’ve listened through much so far is resuscitation. it’s an early adult. release, appearing to be a collection of a lot of their earlier work from various sources. it’s really nice. it may be my favorite adult. album at this point.
some people will be happy to know that i am finally returning one of the three netflix films i’ve had sitting around for a couple of months. i rewatched me and you and everyone we know this evening and will be dropping it in the mail tomorrow. it really is a very good film with a very unique perspective on things, and there are some great lines and observations about relationships in our modern times. none of that is surprising, coming from miranda july.

a few weeks ago i got worried i had contracted some kind of flesh-eating bacteria. that’s probably mostly due to having heard about a couple of recent instances of it happening in houston within only a couple of degrees of separation from me, but the fact that things on my feet went from nominal to “holy crap that’s extremely painful and scary looking” within a matter of a couple of days had something to do with it too. i saw a couple of doctors and they didn’t seem freaked at all, and just gave me some general antibiotics and some antifungal stuff. within a few days things had left the critical and worsening phase and were subsiding.
during this time i had to once again reconsider my choice in footwear. for most of the last 16+ years all i’ve worn is full leather shoes or boots. seeing as i ride a lot these days, it’s currently also the most practical and appropriate footwear. but from what i hear, feet like to breathe. stupid feet, getting in the way of my fashion (or lack thereof) choices.
i have some blue dr. martens fisherman sandals i’ve had for 4 or 5 years but only wore on and off (and hardly at all in the last 3 or so years), so i broke those out and was wearing them while trying to get my feet recuperating. unfortunately, within three days of wearing them they started falling apart. i think it’s just the glue, so i may try to get them repaired. nevertheless, i began a search for new sandals. i looked around online, then went around locally, looking and trying different styles and brands. in the end, i ordered a pair of dark brown dr. martens fisherman sandals online (image at onlineshoes.com). the exact same style as the ones i had.
why? i like the look and coverage, plus it’s a design that is a little better for my wide/high arch. and that, by the way, is why i don’t plan to buy ‘d’ boots any more…i tried some ‘ee’ boots for the first time a couple of years ago and my feet thank me for it all the time. people were wrong when they said the boots would become comfortable after breaking them in…they never stretched enough. i think these new sandals were a tighter fit than the first ones i bought, but they’re still pretty close and it’s just the edge of one leather strap that needs to stretch a bit.
seeing the general practitioner about my malady is also what led to him scheduling me for a physical (which i mentioned in my july 5th entry). i got the lab results back today and i’m basically at the same place i was last year: everything’s nominal, except i’m overweight and have somewhat high cholesterol. the numbers this time: 151 ldl (low density or “bad”), 34 hdl (high density or “good”), and a total cholesterol value of 214. (the desired values are >41 hdl, <130 ldl, and <200 total.)
i also had them go ahead and run the hep/hiv battery while i was at it and everything came back negative. so all of you ladies that were holding out because you thought i might be packing something nasty due to my reputation as quite the ladies’ man, i’ve got a photocopied clean bill of health to ease your fears. i’ll be waiting for your call. 😉
shifting gears now… over the last couple of years i’ve from time to time perused belt buckles to see if i could find one that just lept out at me. i’ve seen a few decent ones, but nothing that really caught my eye. i’ve bought three super-cheap antiqued chrome/silver-colored seal of Texas buckles, but they wear down and look pretty nasty within a few months and have to be replaced. it was time for a fourth and i was thinking maybe i should pay a bit more and buy something that should last longer.
i still didn’t find anything that totally just made my heart leap, but i made a purchase. i paid $40 for a montana silversmiths “german silver” (which has no silver in it) medium oval buckle. it’s a silver buckle with leather-style scrollwork and flowers with a raised gold Texas state centered on it and the word “TEXAS” in an arch across the state in a black-filled western style font (image at cavendar’s site). while i’m not a fan of gold, it was the best compromise i could find for something fairly simple but with a bit of gaudiness and about Texas.
the 11th anniversary party for the radio show i am a part of (geekradio.com) is this friday. (more info by following that link.) come out and make fun of me.

a few days ago i finished reading the courthouse square in Texas by robert e. veselka. it was a book birthed from a dissertation on all of courthouse squares in Texas. it discussed different styles and their racial and cultural origins and traditions. it also attempted to show any possible correlations between the types of courthouses and their status in the community through time. it had some interesting information in it, but overall was a bit dry. i guess that should be expected from books based on dissertations, for the most part.
for me, it would have been nice if it would have included more pictures of the various courthouses. the county courthouse intrigues me, and there are some pretty beautiful and amazing ones in Texas. (as well as some pretty bland and boring ones, mostly ones built in the 60’s forward.) i would bet many of them have interesting histories.

gee…one would almost be led to believe by the lack of my blog entries that i have started to have a real life. i assure you, good reader, that is far from the case. so quit worrying that you might not be able to read about my woes, you have nothing to fear at this point.
thursday (the 29th) i went to the doctor for a physical…not because i planned one, but because i’d gone a week before and he mentioned it’d been a year and asked if i wanted to go ahead and schedule another one. we’ll see how things turn out, but everything they could tell me while at the office was okay.
friday evening (the 30th) after work i met sue and calista at the west alabama ice house. i’d been there once before with brad and kelly, but this time there was a band playing and i stayed there a lot longer. it’s a cool place. i feel like the people there are more…”real” is the term that comes to mind…than many other places around town i go. like most people seem to be themselves and be unique in some way, rather than having a look-at-me-i’m- fashionable or hip or successful or whatever feel. i think i could see myself developing a fondness for the place. ash showed up later and we all hung out there for awhile, then sue and calista headed home. ash and i hung out some more, then we went over to the house of pies. it was good to see ash again before he takes off for taiwan. he’s been trying to get me to get my passport and plan a trip to visit him out there. we’ll see.
saturday i was woken up at 9am by my parents, then my grandmother. i ate a late lunch at the house of pies with sue and calista, sat around the potts house awhile, went home and took a nap for a few hours, then spent the rest of the night on ebay looking at old pickups. ah, the excitement. and so passed my birthday. i did pick up a frame, put the johnny cash at san quentin lp jack gave me months ago in it, and hung it above my cds. i also got a 3-disc set of roger miller songs in the mail from my brother (roger miller – king of the road: the genius of roger miller – mercury polygram).
sunday i ate supper with sue and calista at p.f. chang’s, then we headed to church. afterward i discussed living arrangements with raj and kiera. we’ll see what happens. later that night i realized i don’t think they have a garage, which means i’d have to improvise covered or enclosed parking for my motorcycle. and i might not want to buy an old pickup that’s in good shape since i’d hate to pay money for something old and nice and then leave it out in the sun and weather all the time.
monday evening i watched syriana on dvd. no, i didn’t return any of those three netflix films — i went and rented it from the kiosk at h.e.b. it was a somewhat complex plot that unravelled as you went along, but i thought overall it was an interesting and enjoyable film. i didn’t think it was anything incredible, but a solid job. after the movie i went to the continental club and saw the last 1.5 hours or so of the el orbits show. i was also made aware of the fact that dale watson is playing the continental later in july.
tuesday i celebrated this great land’s independence by going to very-swedish ikea with sue and calista. and that’s about it.

monday morning i was driving into work (inbound on 59) on my motorcycle and at some point a black car of some sort got behind me (i think maybe as far out as beltway 8). i was in 3rd lane from the inside. near the westpark exit i was coming up on a slower car in the second lane, and there was another slower car in the second lane a few car-lengths ahead of it. about this time the black car popped over into the fast lane and gunned it. he went past the first car then started changing lanes into the second, inbetween the cars…then into the third lane…in one continuous sweep. i had to slow down because i could tell he was coming into my lane whether i was in the way or not. but he didn’t stop there…he then continued the sweep all the way to the exit for chimney rock.
so basically he gunned it, cut between two cars, cut me off, and crossed five lanes of traffic. why? the only possible reason i can think of, based on the events and his behaviour, was so he could get in front of me before he exited the freeway. but he had to block me off and cut across five lanes of traffic to do it. brilliant.
and people seriously think driving in houston doesn’t make you part of a game? you’re a part of it whether or not you realize it or want to be a part of it.
after work monday i took sue to a bike shop to pick up some mountain bikes she and jack had left there for some time after taking them in for repairs. i’m going to give the men’s one a try and see what i think of it. perhaps i’ll actually start getting some kind of exercise. i doubt it, but i guess it’s possible.
tuesday night i went to trivia at the flying saucer. evidently it was the last tuesday night trivia. we then headed — as tradition dictates — to sambuca. i had called brad to see if he wanted to join us, and he called back and said he was coming. around midnight sambuca was closing up shop so we headed to dean’s. on the way we ran into two rather hammered british guys who were trying to find the whiskey bar…or any bar. they came to dean’s with us. then they continued to drink, drink, and drink. they were funny, but were toasted. they were evidently both doing “security” in iraq, i believe for oil and gas companies, and one or both were ex-military. eventually the bartender cut one of them off, so he left in search of another bar. then the bartender cut the other one off. but it was about time to go anyway. we walked outside, said our goodbyes, and he headed off in the other direction.
they were supposed to be flying back to england the next day…i hope they managed to get back to their hotel room and catch their flight. they had a digital camera and we took a few pictures with me and brad and them. i gave one of them one of my personal cards that has failure.net and my email address listed. i wonder if they’ll: [1] still have the card, [2] know what the heck it is in reference to, [3] tie it to the pictures, and [4] send me a copy of them. it’ll be interesting to see if or how they remember the evening. or at least the two or so hours of it they spent hanging out at dean’s.

i upgraded my blog software yesterday. comments have been set for some time to where i have to approve them before they show up, but i have been getting a steady stream of splog for the last couple of months — a few times getting 50 to 100 in a day (or an hour or two). it’s nowhere near the pain some bloggers have gone through — most likely because my blog isn’t popular or well-linked — but it was enough that i finally decided i would upgrade to give the new version a shot at controlling the crap. so far, it’s doing pretty well.
yesterday afternoon i went to the alamo drafthouse and watched nacho libre. i’m iffy on jack black, and this was hess’ sophomore effort after the sweet napoleon dynamite, so i was mixed between having high hopes and not expecting much. fortunately, jack black was fairly reigned in throughout the film — which i prefer (e.g., school of rock) — and much of hess’ quirkiness was still evident. so overall i thought it was a solid sophomore effort for hess and a good turn by jack black.
i spent saturday night riding around with brad and kelly. the evening started poorly, as i came in on the downtown feeder and hit elgin/westheimer, only to find it closed a few blocks from montrose due to the gay pride parade. and i was on the wrong side of the street (so to speak) because i was heading to diedrich’s. i was forced to turn north, but i figured i could go past it and around. what i didn’t know was that they had it blocked off all the way to shepard. *sigh* going through crowded side streets with cars and pedestrians took awhile. when brad and kelly showed up we hung out at diedrich’s, then we drove around awhile, stopped at la carafe for an hour or two, then rode around some more. it was nice being back on the bike, and my lighting mods all seemed to function nominally.

a couple of months ago i ordered a new backend for my bike. it was a license plate mount that also replaces the stock blinkers. the new piece is chrome and the license plate light and blinkers are l.e.d.s. it’s a different look for the bike, much smaller and cleaner and…uh…chromier.
a couple of weeks later i decided as long as i was changing the back blinkers, i might as well replace the front lights/blinkers as well. so i bought the same type of lights for the front. then i had to buy the mounting brackets. then i had to return the one that arrived…they didn’t come in pairs, plus it wasn’t the right size anyway. so i ordered a new pair. i picked up those this last weekend, so i had everything i needed to do the job.
i started working on it last weekend, but i didn’t get too far. since it was raining during the weekend and was supposed to be raining during the week, i figured i wouldn’t be able to ride the bike anyway. but i also didn’t think i wouldn’t get done until today. weeknights always seem to have a way of disappearing without anything getting accomplished.
so without further delay, here is the new backend of my bike:

(and just for reference, here’s the old backend)
in case you’re wondering, i bought a chrome plate and mounted it on the right side to put the inspection sticker on. not having that big plastic license plate border and inspection sticker really cleans up the back as well.
and as for the front, i replaced one side and took a pic so you could see before and after in the same image:

if you couldn’t figure it out, the new is left, old is right.
anyway, i’m pretty happy with the mods, and everything appears to be working properly. so now you’ll have to excuse me while i go for a ride. it’s been over a week since i was on the bike!

back in 1990 (or was it 1991?) i got my ear pierced. “ear” singular and the left one, of course, because back then it mattered. i went to some shop in a mall in san antonio and they used a piercing gun to punch a gold starter stud through my ear. i went out and bought a few different earrings, but eventually i ended up settling on a hoop with a surgical steel post and that’s the only thing i wore. i basically never took it out. and i won’t bother going into how long it took for the piercing to finally heal…i think maybe my body doesn’t like having gold shoved through it. years passed…
in 1997 or 1998 i was with tamara and she suggested i consider replacing my standard post hoop with a gauge captive hoop. it seemed like a logical choice: it doesn’t come or fall out, it has no post to poke into your head, and it’s a clean, simple style.
note to those not in the know: with gauge jewelry the wire passing through your piercing is a certain thickness – the gauge. there is no regular “earring-sized” post or section of the jewelry…the same thickness of wire goes through your piercing. so basically you have a bigger hole in your ear (or whatever body part you got pierced…you’re on the internet, look it up). the smaller the gauge, the bigger the diameter of the wire. with a captive hoop, the wire is bent into a circle except for a small gap at one point where a ball with divets on opposite sides is pinched between the ends of the hoop, thus closing the hole and keeping the jewelry in place. tools are used to get the ball between the hoop ends and the tension of the pinching keeps it in place.
anyway, so tamara and i headed to taurian (on westheimer near montrose) and got my hole stretched. they said based on standard earrings (around 20 gauge), they could stretch to a 16 gauge, maybe a 14. since i wanted something a little bigger, i decided to go 14.
note to those not in the know: stretching means taking a tapered rod that starts at a dull point and ends at the gauge size you’re going to and sliding that through to stretch the hole, then following the new jewelry behind it.
mine started hurting pretty good during the stretch so i had him pause. he came back in a couple of minutes and started again, but it started hurting pretty good again so i had him pause. while he was out of the room, i started feeling clammy and weak so i leaned back against the wall. i also noticed i started to have sweat running profusely down my back and legs. i said “i don’t feel so good” and when tamara looked over she said “oh my G-d!”. evidently i’d turned grey. the piercer came in and saw me and said “oh man, we need to get you some water.” so after a few minutes i was feeling some better and i had him finish stretching the hole. i felt kind of dumb considering i almost passed out and it was just a stretch (no piercing), and of a small hole, and tamara immediately followed by stretching from 8’s to 6’s with no drama at all…but they say it’s an automatic reaction some people sometimes have to pain, especially on the head, and you really don’t have any control over it. at least that’s what i tell myself so i don’t feel like less of a man. 😉
i had that solo 14 gauge captive hoop for years. at times i would consider getting my other ear pierced, and/or getting a bigger gauge hoop, but i never got around to it. then finally in june of last year (2005) i decided it was time. i went back to taurian and replaced my lone 14 gauge with a 12 gauge in each ear (stretching the 14 and piercing the other ear). although i was worried about a repeat performance of my near passing out, everything went quite smoothly. the new jewelry was the same as the 14 other than gauge – 7/16 inch surgical steel captive hoops with surgical steel balls.
well, after work today i went by taurian and replaced my 12 gauge captive hoops with 10 gauge ones. i kept the same hoop size and they’re still all surgical stainless, so it’s probably not all that obvious. there was absolutely no drama this time either, although the left (older) hole was a tighter stretch than the right.
those 12 gauges were with me 24/7 for one year. and that single 14 gauge was with me 24/7 for longer than my marriage lasted.
and yes, there is a reason i got the 12’s in june last year and why i upped the gauge in june this year. i will leave it as an exercise for the reader(s) to figure out what that reasoning might be.