happy 3rd affair anniversary to me [placeholder]

[i’m going to go ahead and mark this occasion with this placeholder, but i’m not going to actually post the full entry yet. i’ve got too much divorce-related stuff nearing completion to jinx it with another painful anniversary post. it’ll probably show up in two or three months.]
yes, it’s that time — the third anniversary of tamara tabo (my ex-wife) telling me she was having an affair with alistair isaac.
this anniversary time appears to be one of endings and partings. on numerous fronts. [more later…the following paragraph is just a redux of part of the 2nd anniversary post]
but yeah, it was three years ago today that she finally felt so sorry for what she was doing to me that she admitted she was having an affair. i was at work, at my desk, on the phone with her when she told me. i have no idea how to express how it felt to hear her tell me she was having an affair. to hear the person i’d put all of my faith in, put my life in, who i’d suffered for and with trying to work toward a better future, who my whole world was intimately tied to, who had told me she loved me, who’d told me so much…and while i was trying to figure out for the life of me what i could do to maybe pull our unravelling life back together, to have that person be having a relationship and sex with someone behind my back. i had put my complete trust in her, i had given her my heart and soul, and she was scheming to leave me while fscking some [jerk] behind my back.
[end redux. now back to the current stuff…]
now don’t tell anyone, but the sad fact is i’d still try to reconcile with her if i thought she was sincerely repentant of what she did and seriously wanted to try and rebuild our marriage. stupid, i know, but that’s the truth. i’m definitely trying to move on with my life, but that part of me is still there.
so here’s to three years after. maybe one day it won’t matter to me anymore. maybe one day i can be as callous about my past marriage as tamara was and has been via the legal system toward me. but i doubt it.

6 comments on “happy 3rd affair anniversary to me [placeholder]”

  1. I don’t think it’s stupid to admit you would try to reconcile with her if she was truly repentant. That, to me anyway, just shows you took your commitment seriously and had honest feelings toward her. It isn’t your fault that somewhere along the way, she decided she didn’t. I wish, for your sake, she would have said it was over for her BEFORE finding someone new. I honestly believe there is one forever person out there for each of us, everyone before that is our right-now person. Maybe it would make it a little easier for you to think of Tamara as your past “right-now” person?! She was a stepping stone to someone better, someone more suited for you. Easier said then done, I know.

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