slow down, flash

the court date for my divorce hearing is set for april 18th. i don't really understand why nothing has happened between the attorneys. i know i'm ignorant of legal crap, but it seems like they should have done - or at least initiated - something by now. you know...mediation, discussion about settling, something. but when i talked to the paralegal, she made it sound like it's no big deal and things could happen or not happen at any moment. and the court date could be just the beginning instead of the final date. excuse me if my concern is heightened because it's my money and my life and all, and seeing nothing happening as the date approaches seems odd and scary. of course, i guess it probably won't matter because unless my wife and/or her attorney decide to be fair about the situation i'm going to get reamed by the legal system anyway. yea, me! i guess love isn't about being treated fairly anyway, is it? ha.

on sunday i went to church (which i do on sundays other than easter, thanks). i was feeling kind of like agonizing over being left and all alone, but i got talked into going to the house of some friends of friends. unfortunately, i was surrounded by married couples with small children...not exactly the environment to get my mind off having my roles as husband, provider, and future father stripped away from me. i guess since i was already kind of tanking on that subject i would have been mentally beat up by it anyway. at least the pain and mental nosedives don't seem to last that long these days. i'm not sure if it's healing or numbness, or maybe some of both. i am still at such a loss to understand why tamara felt like the only option she had left was to cheat on me behind my back. i feel sorry for her, even when i feel rage at her for what she did. she was better than that. i deserved more than that.

in entirely happier news, i dropped my motorcycle off on friday to get the 8k maintenance done and to get some new pipes put on it (which i had ordered a week or two before). when i get my bike back later this week it should look cooler and be a lot louder. and i'll be putting on a passenger backrest so i can take the mythical old lady with me on my rides. if i have to feel like i've been torn up and spit on by life, at least i can find some pleasure in a fast loud bike and an open road.

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