Author: TeRRY

note: i have edited this entry because i was contacted by tamara via a mutual friend and it appears some of the things i posted were not appreciated. while i think i am justified in putting the truth of the situation in my blog if it affected me on a personal level, i realize some of it may have come across as overly vindictive or mean-spirited. i think my actions are completely understandable given what was done to me; however, while i believe i should be able to state the truth of events, i also don’t believe i should seem to be speaking purely out of anger or for revenge. revealing truths after i’ve been suffering with them for so long was good, but some of the events that factored into my mistreatment don’t need me to parade them around. (and there’s plenty of stuff i’ve still never posted.) hopefully truth will eventually conquer deceit and lies. that said, areas edited below by me will be denoted by italics and square brackets.

 

[(i know this is […long…])
on the two year anniversary of tamara tabo (my ex-wife) telling me she was having an affair with alistair isaac, i’ve decided i’ll share some thoughts and experiences surrounding that…
i’ve been in alistair’s dad’s house.

Continue reading “happy 2nd affair anniversary to me [edited]”

i go out on a party, to look for a little fun
but i find a darkened corner, ’cause i still miss someone
–johnny cash
not that i’ve ever been much of a social butterfly, but d4mn do i get lonely now. tamara was my constant companion, and there was a lot of security in that. i’d pretty much forgetten what it used to be like, going places and feeling like i was completely alone all the time. now i find i’m all by myself with very few friends and even fewer social circles, and unfortunately i’m not much of a joiner (i’m sure that comes as a surprise to those of you who know me ;). i really would like to be able to get involved in some kind of xian circles, but there are a few problems: [1] i don’t really like church culture, [2] as earlier mentioned, i’m not much of a joiner, [3] i don’t take the initiative in social settings (which has always been true of me), and [4] i don’t know of any i’d be excited about getting involved with.
i’ve been going to houston first baptist with jack and sue, and it’s okay. they just recently started a sunday evening service, more “modern” and “hip” or whatever. but contemporary worship music is still worship music i don’t like, even if it’s got more drums and louder guitars and more energy. at least greg (the pastor) seems fairly intelligent and sometimes has some good stuff to say. sometimes i think i should try to get more involved somehow, and sometimes i think i should just give up and stop going.
still, i tend to think the problem isn’t so much church as it is me. i’m not sure what it is i need or think i need, but i’m not finding it. if i took the initiative to meet some people, who knows what might happen? but instead i just wait for something to happen, and rarely does it. which means i’ll go through the rest of my life jaded and lonely and wishing things were different, which is kind of stupid… but that’s me i guess.

a week or two ago i got an email from a person i didn’t know. surprisingly, it wasn’t spam. it was a guy named john talking about a cassette-only album i’d lost years ago: potluck suicide by eric hann. it was an underground independently made alt christian tape with a quirky 80’s electronic feel and a dry ironic wit that beautifully punched home some things. anyway, john had been doing searches on eric and the album name and ran across some posts i’d made a couple of years back about my loss of this “irreplaceable” cassette (as i had put it). so he decided to email the address (another good reason to keep the same email address, kids) and let me know it in fact was replaceable…because he had digitized it! he then offered to burn me a cd (after getting an okay from eric). so i’m now sitting here listening to some songs i’ve not heard for years. and from a cd, no less. that is freaking awesome! i thought i’d probably never hear this stuff again.

my results from politicalcompass.org:
Economic Left/Right: -1.50
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -1.33

Continue reading “my political compass”

while at work today i heard about the new sun/google alliance. very interesting. i think sun has more to gain, but google getting better access to java and star office could be good for them too. plus i’d think the very act of the announced alliance would annoy microsoft. google certainly is doing a lot of stuff…it’ll be interesting to see what they end up doing over the next few years.
in unrelated news, i’ve spent the last four and a half hours trying to get drivers installed on my old pc so i can have audio and network. this so i can get the machine to the point where i can go through the randomized files found on my borked ntfs hard drive and see if i can salvage anything from when the system crashed and burned however long ago it was. (year and half?) it’s exciting living on the edge by not doing backups, but trying to salvage stuff sucks.

well, now i went and did it. i bought an entry-level humidor. which of course means i’ve been out buying more “snobbish” (i.e., not supermarket-level) cigars, and i’m actually planning on trying to keep them in good shape instead of letting them dry out. don’t worry too much about me though, i’ve still got some swishers around here somewhere.
smoking a cigar every now and then is an unnecessary but enjoyable act. it’s not to get a buzz or anything. in fact, i pretty much work to avoid that. i like the way cigars smell (i like pipes even better, but i’m too impatient to put up with the ongoing work that’s involved in smoking a pipe…maybe someday), and sitting and smoking a cigar tends to be a contemplative time for me (especially if i’m outside).
i also picked up some comic books. of course i bought indie and “weird” comics. i’ve got a reputation to keep up, you know! people who buy comics are just dorks if they don’t buy the right ones. it’s sort of like walking through a reputation landmine as an initiation — not much room for error, but if you succeed then the cool kids accept you. (the fun part of this paragraph will be seeing who thinks which parts are sarcastic.)
the last few times i’ve bought comics, i’ve bought several from oni press. i was pretty impressed with last exit before toll and one plus one (both written by neal shaffer, both on oni). today one of my purchases was no dead time (oni). not incredible, but enjoyable and causes thought and/or emotion. it’s always nice to run across something that does that. oni also re-released madman: the oddity odyssey, which is written and drawn by mike allred and is awesome. (but i already have the old release, and i tend to love allred’s stuff.) and this isn’t on oni (i read it maybe a year ago) but blankets (written and drawn by craig thompson) was really good.
thursday night was the first time in awhile i’d really felt a good amount of self-pity about my current life status. oh well, it comes and goes. it only hurts when i think about it. 🙂 while i personally think i have the right to be having a hard time dealing with things, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck, and i would like it if i could pull things together better and move forward in a positive direction with my life. i could go on and on about this subject, but i’ll refrain for now.
so until a cool-looking girl with high moral standards and a belief in G-d comes knocking at my door and makes me feel all squishy inside, i’ve got my cigars and comic books to keep me company. and mithras to keep me in line. (see the “rita swag” comments)

i got the certified copy of my divorce paperwork today. it didn’t make me feel closure, or better, or happy, or relieved, or anything. it just makes me sad because it makes me think about the choices my (ex-)wife has made and where our lives are now because of it. this is so far from anything i ever wanted or expected for my life or from her. but there isn’t anything i can do about it. i have no choice but to try and move on, to try and create a new life on a new track. i wish it were easier.
last week i ordered one of the posters they put out for eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. it’s the one with kate winslet and it says “would you erase me?” (poignant on so many levels.) i’ll get it framed to go next to my bottle rocket poster.

jamie and i may be disagreeing in the comments section of my “home again, home again” post, but we both agree on this: the media was over the top. here’s a shirt design suggestion from her:
i survived […] hurricane rita
so even if she doesn’t understand why it’s okay to compare these events to the boy crying wolf, she knows the media went overboard.

nothing to report. some small twigs and leaves blown out of trees. no looting. my power never even went out. to emphasize how little happened: i had two cheap, light, plastic lawn chairs on the deck in my back yard (that i left as “missles” just to spite “the man”)…they weren’t even knocked over. i’m sure there are more impressive stories to be told by those in far east Texas and west louisiana.
oh yeah, dave left so i’m officially no longer harboring any rita refugees…er…evacuees.

had a good night’s sleep last night. i am about to check out of the hotel and head home. tv appears to have gone back to normal programming. i think for the most part they finally gave up on getting much excitement out of rita. i’m sure as they find areas where there was exceptional wind or water damage they’ll play it up. as of last night, there was one known death from the weather itself, and that was a tornado in mississippi if i recall. i’m not going to say nothing at all happened, because it did, but considering the froth on the mouths of the reporters – especially here in houston – the fable of the boy crying wolf comes to mind. (i hear raj already made a similar comment on his blog…i haven’t checked other sites yet.) i’m so glad i don’t normally watch tv…i’m not sure i could mentally take it.