poor, naive facebook

ha ha. this recently popped up on facebook…

thanks but no thanks, facebook. i think i’ll wait for the “add as messed up, lying, money-grabbing, ex-wife” option.
oh wait. that “x” to the far right has hover text that says “do not show this person”.
never mind, problem solved. ;&nbsp)
(for the record, i don’t harbor ill will toward tamara due to things in our marriage. there were difficult as well as really good times. what i do still feel ill will toward her about is her behaviour during and after the affair, including during all of the divorce settlement proceedings. she was less than honorable, less than respectable, and less than fair — and everyone involved knew it. i worked very hard to try and understand what happened in our marriage and why she had an affair, and to try and be able to reconcile. she lied. i worked to end our divorce fairly, based on our history and situation. she lied. i also have been continually upset by her revisionist re-imaginations of our collective past once she decided to “move on”. it’s these flaws in her character that took advantage of me and my attempts to have faith in her that i still have a hard time getting past. i wish she could have been the person she had the capability of being, but she wasn’t. maybe one day she will.)
addendum: what i have come to realize through the many times i’ve spent going through all of the stuff she left behind (clothes, school notes, papers, letters, personal writing, etc.) is this: she was pretty much always fscked up. i mean weirdly obsessive, highly self-critical, both hyper-rational and hyper-irrational…with a huge hole in her heart or soul that she couldn’t find anything to fill. she was unrealistic about so many, many things. i thought i had a pretty good understanding of her, i thought we were fairly honest with each other, and i truly loved her even with the flaws i knew about — but she kept frightening concerns and irrational thoughts and perspectives locked inside of her head (that probably no one ever saw). it seems an odd conclusion to reach given the complicated mess i and the rest of the world saw in her, but i guess it was, to be cliche, just the tip of a giant mess of epic proportions — a jumbled mess of dark confusion and sad misunderstanding. it’s weird to know that her secret concerns… fears… hatred… disappointment… were probably dooming us from the beginning, and i was clueless about the bizarre contortions going on inside of her. i guess the pure randomness of it all meant it was as likely to work out as to explode into a giant fireball, or melt down and just disappear. oh well, it was only my future, my happiness, my life at stake. i still believe she has the ability to truly be a great person. and it’s too late for that to be her legacy on my life i suppose, but i hope she manages to pull it together someday.