this is your second reminder! the factory warranty….

“this is your 2nd reminder! the factory warranty on your car is about to or has already expired! this is your final warning! we won’t call you back again!”
so how many times have you picked up the phone and heard a bit of silence then a recording saying that, or something similar to it, over the last year or two? i kid you not, in the last few months i’m pretty sure i’ve gotten at least a dozen to a couple of dozen of those. work phone, cell phone, probably home phone if i had the ringer turned on. heck, one time we even got one at the radio station during our show! it’s f’ing out of control.
every time i got one of these i got more and more pissed. it was even more annoying after i had gotten rid of any vehicle they would possibly provide an aftermarket warranty for.
finally, two calls ago (a week or so ago), i decided to talk to them. i listened through the spiel and hit to talk to a representative. i asked them what vehicle they were calling about. they didn’t know, of course. (because they weren’t calling about a specific vehicle, though they won’t admit it.) i told them i was interested. i wanted a warranty on my ’55 chevy bel-air.
they couldn’t warranty that. it needed to be mid 90’s or up (if i recall correctly) with less than 60k miles. okay, what about my ’65 ford f-100 pickup?
nope, that one either. it needs to be a mid 90’s with less than 60k miles. okay, okay, then my ’77 vw camper bus.
they couldn’t do that one either. yet again they explained it needed to be mid 90’s or up. finally, i said okay then i guess my 2004 honda.
they got excited. “okay, a 2004…honda, you said…what model?” vtx1300c. “a v..t…what?” vtx1300c. “that’s not coming up on my computer. how many miles?” about 26k. “okay…just a sec. <hold> back. um…is that an accord?” no. it’s a vtx1300c. they evidently wanted to make the sale even though my motorcycle didn’t show up in their car list, so they said they’d pass me on to their manager for more info.
now they needed my name and address and phone number. after much pausing and acting weird and questions, i gave them the name “jason dean” (christian slater’s character from heathers). i gave them the address of the astrodome. then i asked why they needed my number, since they called me. they said they didn’t have that info. i asked how they called me. they said it was automated and they picked up the calls, so they needed my number in case we got disconnected. i told them to give me their number in case we got disconnected. they said they didn’t have incoming lines. so i gave them my number…which was the main line for the houston police department. (i didn’t tell them that last part.) they thanked me, and i put them on mute. after a bit of hold time, the manager came on the line. i didn’t take it off mute. they said my name several times (and by “my name” i mean “jason”) and eventually hung up.
i smiled. d4mn, it feels good to be a gangsta.
a few days later i got the same automated call again. i went through the same deal, but this time i gave them the phone number for the fbi here in houston.
i must say, i’m enjoying their calls quite a bit more since i started doing this. i feel like i’m wasting their time. if a bunch of people would do this, it might clog up their system with crap. maybe they are using outgoing lines to call the police and the fbi to ask for jason dean. or at the least, maybe they’ll mark my numbers as bad. even though it may lead to nothing, it brings a smile to my face to think about it, and makes me feel a bit better — instead of being annoyed by their stupid calls.