the secret to success: revealed at last!

i got an email today that explains a great mystery i’ve been perplexed about for most of my life: why have i not been more successful in life? i mean, it’s not like i’m a complete wastoid: i’m fairly intelligent; i’m mostly polite and considerate of others; i have all my limbs, fingers, toes, etc.; i’ve got a good job; i’m pretty responsible; i had a good upbringing; i have a decent sense of humour. yet even given all that, i still feel chewed up and spit out by life. i mean, i felt compelled to get the domain name failure.net, didn’t i? how could things be this way? what i learned today — so eloquently and succinctly stated in the email — was:

Men with big d!cks are more successful in life than the ones
with small d!cks. So be successful with Pen!s Enlarge Patch.

(“i”‘s inverted by me to help protect my blog’s good name from content filters/blockers.)
how is it i didn’t make this connection? fortunately, it also provides a rather simple solution, and a link. (you’ll forgive me for not including the link. i can’t be sharing the secrets of my future success with just anybody on the internet, you know.) although i can’t remember meeting or knowing the person who cared enough to email me this valuable information, i’m sure i’ll be singing the praises of “katherine cummings” when i become big and successful.