i got a call from sue who said tamara was trying to set a date to pick up her stuff, and if we didn’t do it soon she was going to have to get her lawyer involved. wtf? she then quoted the decree (which i still haven’t seen) which said we would take care of it by august 31st. (so at least that was done as i’d thought it was going to be done, and not as tamara pitched it before.) uh…it is now august 19th. so what exactly could her lawyer do? remind me i’ve got a week and a half to take care of it? there’s absolutely nothing i’m doing wrong at this point. but tamara has to threaten me through a friend. what (if anything) is going on in her head?
anyway, i told sue i could do it sunday evening. she called tamara and then called me back and said tamara could do it next week sometime, but not sunday. hello? should i threaten to get my lawyer involved because she can’t do it the day i set, and in the decree i believe it said tamara would work with the schedule of me and my friends? that she’s not doing it soon enough?
no, i’ve tried my hardest to never stoop to the levels tamara has continued to employ ever since she decided i was worth cheating on and taking advantage of. besides, her posturing is nonsensical anyway, and i generally don’t like being combatively nonsensical…it’s not really my style.
let’s face it, she’s pretty much just bluntly lied to me and my/our friends about any number of things. before i knew about the affair, after it, about it, about our divorce, about money, and on and on. is it possible her friends and family actually support or condone or prompt her behaviour toward me?
isn’t it enough that she took a lot of money that she’d always claimed she didn’t want and was in no way hers? isn’t it enough that she screwed some guy behind my back while i was still married to her, financially supporting her, and trying to figure out how to deal with things? that she was scheming how and when to leave me that was convenient for her? isn’t it enough that she told me over and over she wanted to do things fairly, wanted things to be done “as amicably as possible”, and then did nothing to make things amicable at all? (i guess it would have been amicable if i would have done whatever she wanted and smiled about it.) what happened to the good, intelligent, fair-minded, rational tamara? supposedly she loved me. supposedly she made vows before G-d and me and the state and our friends. supposedly we were best friends. supposedly she wanted to have a child with me. where is all of that?
it’s this kind of incongruency that makes me think she’s mentally ill. how can one reconcile the person she was with me and the person that she is now? i just find it hard to believe she is now as evil and mean-spirited as her actions come off. yet i’ve been the object of the spite and hypocrisy of this “new” tamara over and over. it really breaks my heart to see her be like this, to have her treat me like this. maybe she feeds off the fact that the amount of money i thought was fair for her in our settlement was too low in her mind. (never mind that mutual friends felt it was fair, so it’s not like i just made up some number to be mean to her or something.) maybe she thinks my pain is all an act for sympathy or something. maybe she blames me for any number of things.
or maybe she doesn’t give me or what i’m going through because of her a second thought. which is probably more likely, because it sounds like she is probably completely self-absorbed and willing to do whatever to whoever to get access to the things she craves.
i keep getting hurt by her over and over, but it seems like it’s never enough to finally make me fully understand and accept that she is a different, worse person and i should feel satisfied i did everything in my power that i could and that i have to give up and move on because all i am to her now is a meal ticket that’s been used up and is now expired.
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failure is not an option. it's a requirement.