friday i went ahead and ordered the mm-252 multimedia rack from boltz.com. it’ll match the cd rack i got but it is sized for dvds, vhs tapes, cds, etc. i don’t have that many dvds, and i actually don’t like how much space is wasted using it for cds, but it was a compromise to get dvd space and still have cd space.
during the day friday my throat started hurting, and by the time i went to bed it was pretty sore. friday night i watched me and you and everyone we know. i couldn’t remember exactly why, but i remembered thinking i might not like some of the subject material when i read reviews of it. i think at some point i knew it was written and directed by miranda july, but had forgotten that. i used to hear her spoken word pieces on ktru (rice radio) back when i listened to ktru a lot. it was thoroughly intriguing stuff — very bizarre stories with her narrative as the only voice plus some music and sound effects stuff. i had planned to buy some of it, but i never did. this movie — specifically the character she plays — shows that same style, although not quite as darkly. even though some of the subject matter in the film made me uneasy (children and sex), in the end i felt it was dealt with innocently enough. i really liked the dialogue, pacing, visual style, etc. the characters were rather quirky, but it felt like there were universal situations and truths going on in, between, and through them despite their oddness. i think miranda has a unique and interesting perspective of the world, and i’m glad she was able to get a film created and distributed that gave her voice a wider audience.
even though i was still feeling somewhat off sunday, i made last minute plans to try and go to a singles class at church. but i left too late and traffic was backed up so i turned around and came back home. the roundtrip was 50 minutes. grr. but you know, i really just feel like i’m going to go there and be disappointed yet again by church culture and the people there.
is it possible all of my many poor church experiences were all just bad luck? or, and this seems more likely to me, am i just not cut out to fit into the societal expectations and boundaries that exist in contemporary american church culture? part of the problem may also be that i’m starting at ground zero. if i already knew one or two people who went there and i got along with them okay, at least it’d give me some kind of tie or anchor to the group. as it is, i just feel like the odd guy that doesn’t fit in, and doesn’t really identify with the dynamics or interests of the group. which means i usually don’t feel too inclined to go back for more. of course, that sort of limits my ability to meet new people that might share some of my beliefs, doesn’t it?
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failure is not an option. it's a requirement.
))<>((
I’ll have to seek out some of Miranda’s spoken word stuff.
I have mentioned that I don’t particularly fit in well sometimes at churches that I attend. Even when this is the case, however, I attend for two reasons, but will explain just one for now. I consider involvement in a church a service to the Lord and look for opportunities to serve: choir, deacon, assistant minister, reader, and usher are roles I have filled. So even if the benefits to me are minimal, it’s an opportunity for me to be a benefit to someone else.
i think blue like jazz (the book) sort of struggled with the idea of it being an opportunity to serve in a similar way i myself do. i believe fellowship is good, i believe service is good, but forcing yourself to do something you don’t really like can build a pretty negative opinion toward it over time. which isn’t to say one’s attitude or perspective can’t be different or changed to make it better, but i’m just relating my experience.
I can see your point, and agree that self-flagellation (mental, emotional or otherwise) is not necessarily recommended. I know that my perspective is atypical, which is why I only explained one of my two reasons for churchgoing. Maybe you can find a service opportunity outside church.
ah, but i have heard your point before (probably from you, but also from others), and i think it is a valid and meaningful one. unfortunately, i’m not sure i can maintain such a mental perspective. i’m not really sure what the answer is for me.