my civic duty

i had to go to jury duty today. this is the first time that i’ve ever gotten the summons and not been able to get out of it because i was in college. so i had to get up earlier than i normally do so i could get to the courthouse downtown by 8am. then i sat around in a room of 1000+ other people for a couple of hours until my number got called. then we walked over to another building where we waited outside the court room. i was assigned to a criminal felony case. but i never got to find out what it was because before we started jury selection the baliff came out and said they’d settled without us and so we could all go home. so i got to leave around 11am.
even though i wasn’t too excited about having to go to jury duty, it was kind of a letdown to not get to go through the selection process and see what happens there.
i talked with tamara sunday night for a couple of hours. i just don’t really know how to deal with things. i want to be able to talk to her and maintain some kind of cordial relationship, even have meaningful conversations of a reasonable length — but talking to her kind of forces everything that’s happened and what she did to the forefront of my mind, which makes it difficult to have a reasonable conversation with her…especially when i’m trying to have a “normal” conversation with her…i mean…things are not normal by any stretch of the imagination. so it sort of makes me think about that fact.
i wasn’t supposed to have to deal with this sort of situation. i married a person who i thought had strong moral convictions and could honor her commitments. i married a person who had been cheated on and treated like crap and had been committed to the relationship even in that kind of sh!t situation. i married a person who was rational and intelligent, and a person of conviction.
i married a person who betrayed me and committed adultry.