my search for the real

note: this is one of a number of entries that were lost in a server crash, followed by a desktop crash, back in late 2004. on march 1, 2009, i happened on a cache file on the crashed desktop hard drive, so i am reloading all of the entries with their original date and time values intact for posterity.

i sent an e-mail today. i had written some earlier, but after a day or two i was able to rewrite them and remove a fair bit of the hatred and rage that was in them. or least i was able to get rid of some of the more caustic sarcastic comments and most of the cussing (of which there was a great deal).
synopsis of e-mail: i’m fscked up. i can’t trust anything you say to me or have ever said to me. you need counseling. i don’t know if i could ever want to reconcile — how could i ever trust you in the future? and you say this guy is still your friend? fsck that. i think my taking money out of our joint account was quite reasonable, and i think the amount i left was quite generous. so screw what some lawyer-friend says about the fact that such things look bad in court. i think they’d understand. i think she’s still going out and doing stuff with the people she has said were wrong for her to be doing.
anyway…what a fscking joke.

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