the dark side of friendship (from the unposted archives)

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the following entry was originally written 05.26.2006 -- two years ago today. i decided at the time to set it aside. i probably thought it was a bit snarky, and even though i still had a lot of animosity toward things i almost always ended up feeling bad when i went at tamara, and usually ended up toning it down a lot. (i did say "almost always".) plus there was still some legal stuff that was unsettled, and i didn't really want to cause more problems for myself with the money- and blood-sucking lawyers.

i decided a while back i'd start posting stuff i'd held back over the years. not because i still feel the same -- or even because i really feel good about some of the things i said (or the way i said them), but because i felt that way at the time and i figure it gives a snapshot into where i was then. if you don't care to read me being pissed off about the financial/legal issues surrounding my divorce and trashing my ex some, then skip following the link.

looking back at the blog for context, the may 2006 entries leading up to this day are void of this issue, and the one that would have followed it takes a bit of a different tone (link). some of other june entries deal with it somewhat though. that said, here it is, unedited...

-----< originally dated: 2006-05-26 23:56:08 >-----

a few weeks ago i had to help a friend who realized another friend was taking financial advantage of them (to the tune of several thousand dollars). it really sucks when people take advantage of someone else (financial or otherwise) and use their relationship and/or trust as a pathway.

i can say that from personal experience obviously, having watched my ex-wife legally* take half of my retirement and savings i'd gotten...especially the part from after she'd already chosen to continue an affair and moved on with her life (and out of the state, even). in other words, she chose to have an affair, leave me and our life, start something completely new, and sever all ties with me...except for the legal tie to the money i was making and saving, which her and her lawyers were more than happy to take from me.

* the legal reason is because we were still legally married and Texas is a community property state, so anything i made or saved during that time was community property by law. there is no status of "legal separation" in Texas, so even if you're split and live separate lives for 20 years, legally everything made and saved during those 20 years is community property. if you're married you're married. period. so unless the parties involved are willing to be fair and accurate about things, the truth of the situation doesn't really into it on a legal level. i always thought my wife would be fair. ah, naivety.

as for her income during that whole time that i was entitled to...she claimed she'd earned nothing. (mutual friends told me that wasn't true, and they're probably right, but as with the situation in general there wasn't much i could do about it.) in fact, they claimed she'd managed to run up $11k of debt! but she and her lawyers were so nice, they said they wouldn't make me legally liable for that money she'd spent completely independent of me. (because of the community property thing, any debt is community debt as well.) of course, they didn't want my debt either. but about that cash you've managed to save up...

even if one chooses to believe everything during the marriage should be halved in a divorce regardless of circumstance or situation -- which i don't ascribe to -- this goes above and beyond that. there are numerous reasons beyond her having an affair that the money shouldn't have been split to her (ages, her increase in earning potential, who earned the money, etc), not to mention that when we started the split she stated all the retirement was mine and she didn't want any of it. because she knew that was fair. but she changed her tune, becoming willing to take half my retirement money. including half of what she wasn't even around for when i was earning and saving it.

she prostituted her integrity over that money. but by then she'd already prostituted herself in any number of ways. i feel sorry for her, but it's also hard not to feel some amount of vindication in knowing that after choosing to treat me so unfairly it sounds like she's getting her rewards. it's not what i would have ever wanted for her, but she really shredded up my life so it's hard not to desire some kind of retribution. i wish she could have handled things with grace and honour. she's got (or had, at least) so many great traits and qualities, but she chose to fsck it all up. i hope one day she can stop hiding from herself and regain some of the facets of the person she was.

i also feel like she is either being fed lines by her law firm, or she's making stuff up. either is equally probable. but her lawyers are probably making some extra coin off her, and she's getting money for nothing, so neither one of them probably care too much. i guess maybe their continual attempts to paint me as the bad guy helps them keep their minds off of the unfairness of the situation...nah, i'm sure they've justified it long ago.

just like the affair, i guess. because obviously, i'm the bad guy. i'm the one that did everything so wrong. i deserved all of this. why, i'm getting off lucky. like i have any right to whine about any of it. she deserves better than me. in fact, she never should have gotten involved with me at all. but that money of mine, that'll make a nice compensation package for the horrible things i did to her. yeah, that's it. money makes it all feel better now doesn't it?

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Yes, those were dark days, and people seem to behave their worst when law and money are involved. 2008 seems like a much sunnier environment in comparison, doesn't it?

I know this will sound lame, but this entry makes me want to give you a hug. It's awful how you were screwed over.

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