it's a birthday party.

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this past sunday i went to church, then afterward most people went to a birthday party at a house. i wasn't in that great of a mood, but i finally decided to try and be social and went over there. it went okay i suppose, but i felt awkward most of the time.

you see, i've gotten to where i tend to feel like a social outcast at the church. not that it isn't my fault, because i tend to not initiate conversation and pretty quickly will find a way to probably come across as non-social. this isn't something that happens just at church -- it is pretty pervasive through all of my life. it makes me feel stupid sitting or standing around not talking to anyone, which makes the whole thing build on itself. but then on some level at times i'm okay being alone even in crowds. it's a general lack of comfort in initiating conversation i suppose, which is something i've pretty much always had.

such traits and tendencies aren't too good for meeting new people, or making new friends. it's not very good at social gatherings in general. and on top of all that, i hear that before people know me i come across as scary, intimidating, mean, stuck up, and/or any number of other things. while there are bits of those things in me, and times when they become more prominent, overall i don't think they're too horribly accurate in describing me.

oh yeah. sunday was also my birthday. family and a few friends remembered and got in touch with me to tell me "happy birthday." i appreciate it. i, on the other hand, am horrible about remembering birthdays and such -- so please don't take it personally when i forget yours. (which i almost certainly will do.) of course, i guess that's another one of my traits that doesn't really help develop and maintain friendships.

the potts got me a dvd for my birthday that has two movies that johnny cash was in: the pride of jesse hallum and five minutes to live. i've never seen either one of them.

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Hey, man! Happy late birthday!

You might be slightly scary if you don't know you, but not so much that someone wouldn't get to know you. After all, I totally started chatting at you one night. :-)

I hope your doing well and I get to see you soon! You should try and come out to roller derby next weekend. I bet you'd like it.

hey you bast*rd! you forgot my b-day! Uh, but doh! I forgot yours as well. At the beginning of this post, I had this vision of a early 1900's house in C.S. Specifically, the one where you, Jessie (Bessie?) and I went to that party. You know, the one, with that guy? Anyway...I've been really busy lately and haven't been reading. It's nice to play catch up, even if it is one-way. You know what would be really cool? IF YOU'D WRITE ME A FREAKIN' EMAIL!!!!

Ash

I'm the same way about birthdays. I don't celebrate mine and don't expect anything on that day.

i remember aspects of that incident with that guy at that house in bryan. i don't really remember details, i just remember us all walking away annoyed at him. i wonder what happened to that guy? i'm guessing he's tied to some cinder blocks now resting at the bottom of a river somewhere. either that or leading a church.

oh yeah...speaking of bessie...i haven't talked to them in years now. not really since my divorce, since before they had a kid. in fact, i haven't even ever seen their child. that's like 3 years or something. weird.

so did me replying to the technical question you sent me via e-mail count as me writing you an e-mail? was it "really cool"?

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