tamara tells me the sordid truth (well, sorta)

note: this is one of a number of entries that were lost in a server crash, followed by a desktop crash, back in late 2004. on march 1, 2009, i happened on a cache file on the crashed desktop hard drive, so i am reloading all of the entries with their original date and time values intact for posterity.

so tamara and i had talked about how interested we were in tarantino's new film _kill bill_. even though tamara should have been teaching tomorrow (saturday) and would thus probably be grading papers this evening and perhaps all night, i thought i'd call to verify and see if she wanted to try to catch it on opening day. if not, there was always an internet cafe jay had mentioned he might be going to tonight.

so i call her cell around 1:30pm...to voice mail and left a message. nothing by 3:30pm so i call her cell again...to voice mail and left another. nothing by 5:30pm so i call her cell again...to voice mail and leave another.

i leave my desk and she calls around 6:00pm and leaves a message. what does it say? (paraphrasing) "hey, yeah, you're right, i'm going to be grading papers tonight. tomorrow i've got the classes, then i'm going to try to do some school work up at school, then there's an entertainment system show i'm going to, and of course people are going out to party afterword so i'm going to that. we may also go see _kill bill_, so if you want to go see it tonight you can. i guess if you don't get to see it this weekend and i don't either, maybe we can see it sometime next week. bye."

nice, huh? so i'm sort of miffed. does it seem like maybe i'm getting leftovers and pretty being completely disregarded? it's nothing new...it's not like that hasn't been going on for the last month or two.

so i call her back to tell her that i'm offended and annoyed by what she is yet again doing to me. i talk until after i miss my last bus home, but i kind of fall apart and tell her i no longer can make any decisions or know what to do because i don't know what will be the right thing to help our relationship. i tell her i made a commitment to G-d, her, myself, and others and that is what is important and i have to honor that. she says i have a choice. somewhat confused i say "no i don't. i made my choice when i chose to marry you and said the vows." she says "yes, you do." i say "no, i don't. what do you mean?" to which she replies "yes, you do...because i've been having an affair."

i'm standing in my office at work. how great is that?

after much crying, screaming, cussing (a lot of cussing) on my part -- along with hanging up a few times -- i learn that they "only had sex once", something she quite adamantly tells me. how long ago? "i don't have my planner with me."

hello? does one write "commited adultry" in one's planner? "first fsck with someone besides my husband of 5+ years"? maybe a little scarlet "A" so as to be a private note to one's self? anyway, i get her to guestimate...about 2 weeks or so.

so for at least 2 weeks i've been putting up with her treating me like sh!t, while she was going out and fscking somebody else and had sealed the deal on the destruction of our marriage. wonderful.

after the final hangup, i call my friend jack and he comes and picks me up and gives me a ride to my pickup. i talk to him a bit in the parking lot, he gives me a hug that ends on my side way before his. then i drive home.

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