i would be remiss if i didn't mention that yesterday was the 5th anniversary of the day tamara told me she was having an affair with alistair isaac. i didn't actually think of it yesterday, but i was occupied with other things. i'd thought about it a few days ago, and remembered after i was at home today. still, i guess it's good to know it isn't so consuming that i can't be distracted by my current life.
5 years. in some ways it feels like a long time ago. in other ways, it doesn't. i wish she hadn't made the choices she did. i wish she hadn't gone on to treat me like she did. i don't think i deserved it. fortunately, mutual friends who knew both of us well agree with me, so i don't think it's just a skewed perspective on my part. she really did a number on me. i think it's a number between 1 and 3. ; ) to be honest, the passing of time is the thing that's done the most to help me deal with what happened.
i've still got some things i need to clean up. i need to give some stuff to jack and sue so i can wash my hands of it. and i've got some stuff i need to burn in a ceremonial fire. it's still sad having to see and deal with all of that stuff, five years later.
but the pain doesn't cut as deep as it used to. hopefully things will continue in that direction. it'd be nice to know i've managed to pretty much fully right myself, even if i have to permanently change course.