eharmony: 2    me: 0

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a number of months back i decided maybe i could meet a really cool girl through one of the many online dating sites. (don't laugh...i mean, it's not completely in the realm of fantasy, right?) so i signed up for a few and looked around. (and have done almost nothing beyond looking.) i had heard about eharmony and decided to check it out too.

i went to their site, signed up, and went through the extensive self-evaluation question thing. at the end it said "hey, you put that you're separated, and since we're christians we won't match people who are married or separated. but thanks for spending all that time filling out our survey. you can still see our personality profile of you. and come back when you're legitimate." or something along those lines. i respect the moral position, but my wife had bolted to california, told me in no uncertain terms that it was over, and was making moves to take as much easy money as she could get from me via the legal system. it just would have been nice for them to say upfront when i checked the "separated" box that it didn't really mean anything for me to go through their whole question system.

anyway, time passes and i get legally divorced. so i decide to go back and change my status on eharmony. except there isn't a place to do it. at all. so i email support and explain the situation. no response, no change, nothing. so a few weeks later i log in and look around again. still nothing. so i send another email. wait, wait...nothing. i send a third email. still nothing.

so after a couple of months, i finally break down and decide i'll sign up again with a different email address and go through the whole survey thing. *sigh* oh joy. i make sure and check "divorced" this time and finally get through all the questions. i get to the results page and what do i see staring back at me?

"eHarmony is based upon a complex matching system developed through extensive research with married couples. One of the requirements for successful matching is that participants to fall within certain defined profiles. If we find that we will not be able to match a user using these profiles, we feel it is only fair to inform them early in the process.

We are so convinced of the importance of creating compatible matches to help people establish happy, lasting relationships that we sometimes choose not to provide service rather than risk an uncertain match.

Unfortunately, we are not able to make our profiles work for you. Our matching model could not accurately predict with whom you would be best matched. This occurs for about 20% of potential users, so 1 in 5 people simply will not benefit from our service. We hope that you understand, and we regret our inability to provide service for you at this time."

hrmh. i'm still uncertain as to how i should interpret this. does it mean that i'm no good for anybody in a relationship because i'm completely jacked up? or does it mean i have a unique enough personality that i don't fall into convenient/simple categorization demographics? it'd be kind of nice if their system gave a bit better explanation of what makes me not fall into one of their defined profiles.

plus now i've had to fill out that long survey twice, with very little to show for it at the end. although i must admit their personality analysis info is kind of cool. i'm not sure that alone makes the time it takes to go through the whole thing worthwhile though.

7 Comments

You would think they could at least keep the 20% of the "rejects" and match them with other "rejects", with discalimers of course, so they don't ruin their "good" name. I bet I would get the boot as well if I was applying. Better luck next time. I guess they were looking for the "Sunday School" answers.

Terry, thanks for your orderly, laid out results with eharmony.I tried it once, when I was rather depressed, and got right in and active for a short period.
\reading your well laid out experiences, a rather brutal and true quote presented itself to me...
"You can fool most of the people most of the time but not all the people all the time."
I wouldn't or very likely wouldn't find a "soulmate" via eharmony. I don't operate off of believing or not believing. I operate off of knowing or not knowing or knowing some of and so on.

Terry,
If it means anything, my experiences with eHarmony have been nothing more than a headache. I took a 3-month subscription special and have given up on it less than 1/2 into it. For starters, they wouldn't let me complete the questionnaire, then, after allowing that, they would not let me past the questionnaire. I received emails telling me I had matches, but they wouldn't let me past the questionnaire and into my site to contact the matches.
After getting that sorted out, they have been sending utter non-matches. I checked my personality profile and it is right on the money - but they send opposite types with no shared interests. And they send maybe 2 per week, and only after I bug them through their "Let us know how we're doing" link.
Furthermore, it has become clear that this site attracts folks who are profile-challenged. Not the best site for those of us who know how to write and think abstractly about the "subject" and not just the object. Lit majors, beware.
I've also found that, despite my emphasis on my interests in the arts, I receive primarily financial types and developers who never mention the arts. Does this mean their "29 dimensions" for matching are a sham? or that eHarmony loves money and strings out their customers to the next subscription extension? Artists, beware.
I'm guessing the multiple choice approach to descriptors is for the extremely average type, Joe Blow and Jane Smith. Creative folks, beware.
What does beware mean? Don't waste your money.

Dont wast your money on this useless stupid website! try yahoo personals or match.com etc...

The profile questions are contrived as well as the five questions that are presented to the potential match. I am very disappointed in this site, and I completely agree with the comments made by these people who had negative experiences. The site preys on offering you special deals so that the money keeps flowing.

Yeah, I also tried it to no avail.

After I spent an hour filling in the never-ending questionnaire, all I get as a result is this:

"[...]
Unfortunately, we are not able to make our profiles work for you. Our matching model could not accurately predict with whom you would be best matched. This occurs for about 20% of potential users, so 1 in 5 people simply will not benefit from our service. We hope that you understand, and we regret our inability to provide service for you at this time. "

They give me a free personality profile, which says this:
"You are best described as:
TAKING CARE OF OTHERS AND TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF
Words that describe you: Fair, Considered, Collaborative, Responsive, Sensible, Diplomatic, Contemplative, Indulgent, Rational"

So what? Is it that bad? Are fair, considered, collaborative, etc. people unmatchable?
Maybe I should be an unfair, undiplomatic, irrational bas***d to find a match!?

Plus, they don't allow people to revisit the questionnaire. Indeed, answers to questions may be influenced by current state of mind, and a second pass through the questions might yield another result. The second evaluation might in fact give a closer approximation of one's real personality than the first.

A big disappointment.

the whole site is mainly a focus on establishing what age group of adults perceive themselves to be, or want to be perceived as, that information you've just spent all that time filling out is going to a file, with your age group in mind, and it used in a pretty ovious ploy...to get money, information is money, and market research is the tool.

plus what kind of international working relationship site, doesnt endorse same sex relationships, or the collaboration of seperated couple?

a site funded by the church of laterday saints. get married and be less pathetic. fuck im so glad i dont work there anymore.

ps, 7% of the time, ppl get married by the aid of the site.

consequently 80% of those couples have statisticly divorced.

enjoy false hope, being a tool for marketing, and getting a wonderful, slice of of your equity passed along.

a slice of half to be exact.

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