t minus one hour and counting

it's 8pm. tamara is supposed to be coming over at 9pm to pick up her stuff. as much as a part of me wants to be here -- either to be defiant or to be sad or whatever might happen -- i think it's probably best if i leave. i've tried to clean the house some, although it's haphazard and second-rate at best. i know why i care, but i know it really doesn't matter. my life has been filled with a split between knowing things and accepting things for the last couple of years, generally with my emotional well-being finding itself the victim. i'm not sure how much longer that will go on. i really appreciate george jones' "he stopped loving her today" (lyrics below) -- a gut-wrenching heartbreaker of a song -- but i'm not sure i really want to end things like that, as poetic as it may be. sh!t, cutting and pasting the lyrics made me start crying. maybe i'll write again later tonight.

George Jones - He Stopped Loving Her Today

He said "I'll love you till I die",
she told him "You'll forget in time"
As the years went slowly by,
she still preyed upon his mind

He kept her picture on his wall,
went half-crazy now and then
He still loved her through it all,
hoping she'd come back again

Kept some letters by his bed
dated nineteen sixty-two
He had underlined in red
every single "I love you"

I went to see him just today,
oh but I didn't see no tears
All dressed up to go away, first time
I'd seen him smile in years

He stopped loving her today
They placed a wreath upon his door
And soon they'll carry him away
He stopped loving her today

(Spoken)
You know,
she came to see him one last time.
Aww, 'n' we all wondered if she would.
And it kept runnin' through my mind
"this time he's over her for good."

He stopped loving her today
They placed a wreath upon his door
And soon they'll carry him away
He stopped loving her today

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